10. If you wake up next to a naked girl and a naked guy... put down the bourbon.
9. If your idea of dinner is the complimentary peanuts at the bar... put down the gin.
8. If you consider masterbating in your car a "good sexual experience"... put down the whiskey.
7. If you wake up with black eyes, hickeys, and a dog that isn't yours... put down the sambuka.
6. If you have to say sorry again to everyone for urinating on your friend's birthday cake... put down the rum.
5. If you feel like you are a "excellent drunk driver"... it's time to put down your stupidity.
4. If six, of your last seven, sexual experiences ended with you having whiskey dick... it may be time to put down the fireball shots.
3. If you are constantly drunk texting old, high school girlfriends asking "do you want to have phone sex"... it may be time to put down the vodka.
2. If you think you have a real shot at dating "Chasity" from RC's Go-Go... put down the Irish Car Bombs and your money.
1. If you've been to Bugattis or P.J.'s Nineteenth Hole more than one time in your life... put down the scotch and your dignity.